I HATE my roommate, Sarah.  We had a final blow about 2 weekends ago.  She threw my DVD at my door (it wasn't damaged, but it's the principle), moved everything of hers that WAS in the living room into her bedroom, avoids me at all costs.  I think she's being childish.

Long story = short:

I burned evidence that incriminated me and then flushed the ashes down the toilet.  I went to my boss and told him that I did not want to live in an unhealthy environment.  He wanted to have a meeting with her...... and he did.  Now he wants to have a meeting with me again.  Then he wants to have a meeting with the both of us "to arrange a roommate contract so we see little of each other as possible to eliminate the bad environment or whatever".

I hate her.

It's not complicated.  I want her to move out.

My boss won't let me move.  "You have a bond with your building.  It would be difficult your building to bond with the next RA."

Well, at our next "meeting", I'm going to tell him I demand an effort to be made to see if I can leave.  I don't have to put up with bullshit in my own apartment.  It's pretty pathetic that there needs to be "little contact with each other" contract if one of the people involved are willing to move.  I'm very willing to another building.

But...... as of right now, impossible.

I'll test my limits though.  I'll push, manipulate, fanangle (sp?) my way to be transferred to another staff.

I'm not going to put up with avoiding people whom I live with.  I have tried to find a common ground with her and she has deliberately been uncooperative with me to try to work something out.

To spite her, I'm trying really hard to get a third roommate so she won't have her precious privacy anymore.  Cunt.....

 I've been really busy with life.  Apologies for the delay of entry. 

I don't have anything to add because I've been more open in my other journal.  I'm starting to break out of my shell.  For those of who didn't know..... I have another journal. Sono il Sass. 

It's my public journal.  All my friends and family read it so I censor what I write about there.  But lately, I've been becoming more vocal about my thoughts and opinions.  I haven't felt the need to monitor everything I write. 

That was the whole purpose of this journal.  My "uncensored" journal.  I'm still going to keep it of course, but I probably won't be here as often unless I have something really mean to say that I don't want others to read about.  It's not necessary to hurt other's feelings intentionally.

Peave be with all of you!

I updated some of my links too..... which I'm sure I'll keep them up to date.

I'm sick.  I don't know what I have.  But I'm told I'm contagious.  Therefore, I stay home away from the choir people because we have a concert in 10 days.  I am to not "contage" others.

Now I get to take steroids and horse pills (which the doctor likes to call coughing tablets).

Go me!

Chat to you later.  Take care of yourself!

Bravenet was being a bitch and didn't post my last entry.

Short version:

I'm very happy in my relationship with Idiot.  We've been together for almost 4 years.

Yet, my mind is wandering.  Wandering and thinking of 2 other men.  Rick flirts with me in front of John.  And Eric....... Eric......... what can I say?  He doesn't flirt with me.  He's still in love with his ex-girlfriend who strings him along.  He's the quiet masculine kinda man...... which turns me on even more.

I'm a disloyal bitch.

I have nothing relevant to write about but I feel compelled to type.

I was informed that my university is too liberal.  Apparently, there isn't a conservative class or professor on campus.  That's funny..... I thought my college was rather not liberal enough.  Or rather "fake liberal".  Meaning: Everyone is hunky-dory with the open-minded crap because it's the right thing to do.  In my opinion, the majority of "liberal" people on this campus are liberal because it's the trend right now.  I give it a couple weeks.  The trendiness will wear off.

This weekend I was belittled for being a Nader voter.  I was also called "New age hippie freak liberal" because I am a Nader voter.  I quote, "I'm glad you're voting Nader because it takes votes away from Kerry."  My reply, "People like you make my new age hippie ass twitch.  Stop it.  It tickles."

Well, fuck you too buddy.

I honestly think that Nader will not be the next president of the United States.  But I can truly say I will feel better voting my conscience.  I didn't help the effort to get Bush or Kerry in the house.

This weekend, I was also told that men deserve to be the head of the house..... Men NEED to be head of the house.  I informed that male who just told me this (who also called me a new age hippie freak liberal) to fuck off.  I will not sit there while he spats out backward ideas to me.

I know he only said those things to get a rile out of me, but he did say them because that's how he truly feels.  Sad, I know...... sad that people like him are walking around on this earth.  This guy also lectured me about morals.

I told him that it is the individual's right to do whatever they want.  That individual has to suffer whatever consequences there may be.  Not you.  Not me.  And certainly not you reading my entry while spilling coffee onto your keyboard.

Needless to say, my weekend was dull yet very eventful.

The first images crafted to contain a malicious program that can take control of a PC have been found on the net.  Security experts have been expecting such images to turn up after Microsoft revealed a weakness in the way Windows handles the popular Jpeg format.  Soon after this discovery, a program started circulating online that was written to exploit this bug.  The poisoned images were posted to a porn newsgroup at the weekend and were found by Usenet provider Easynews.....

You can read more on this article here.

The Idiot amazes me.  Why?  I don't know. 

This is a sappy thing to say, but my boyfriend and I hadn't seen each other for 3 days.  I really missed him.  I mean reeeeeeeeealy reeeeeeeeealy reeeeeeeealy missed him.  I went over to his place.  We place poker with his 2 roommates for 2 hours.  I purposely lost after 2 looooooong hours.

Idiot is slowly losing...... on purpose.  He wants to stay in the game.

I get my keys.  I don't want to continue to watch him to slowly lose.  I wanted to spend time with him.

Alone.

I wanted sex, dammit!

I know I'm only overdramatizing it but I shoudn't have to say, "Hey!  I actually want sex right now."  If I make the slightest hint...... he's wants to have sex.  Why is this time different?

What's poker got that I don't have?

All he wanted to do was play poker....... rather than have wonderful sex with his woman.  And just BE with his woman.  Let her please him.  He please her.

Nope

Nada

Nothing

What a fucker.

I just received an email from a friend about voter registration.  Yes, I understand that she had probably sent it to me for voter registration but the content of this email was offensive to me personally.  It was about "vote to save the unborn voices"..... in other words..... pro-life.

People!  I am pro-choice!

There, I have declared myself.  You can declare yourself as well at Declare Yourself.

I did forward the email to everyone on my list but not without putting in my two sense.  I even forwarded it to the woman who sent it to me.

Since we're talking about choice/life, I guess I'll explain a little more on my personal choice. 

It is every person's right to choose what will and will not happen to one's body.  I will not have a male president dictating whether or not a woman can have a child.  And I certainly will not let him dictate my body.

Now personally, I am pro-life.  But like I've said, it's the woman's PERSONAL choice.

In this specific aspect, America is completely backward.

OK folks...it's contest time!

You have to click below and follow the directions!

(If you are sensitive, please don't participate in this contest!)

1. Find the differences between the two pictures.
2. Report your finding's back to me.
3. The one who finds the most differences will get a prize!

~CLICK HERE~

CURRENT STANDINGS

1. Phoebegal
2. Kate
Tied for third! 3. Bob & Daryl

Keep the comments coming! 

 Good Luck



Borrowed from Celtic Serenity

Three words.






I'm not pregnant!

After the late shift at the desk, Idiot and I went to his roommate's friend's apartment off campus.  Needless to say, I got drunk.  True it wasn't it the wisest decsion considering my potential condition but it at least made me forget my worries.

Idiot and discussed our potential issue before we got there.  He said he would quit college and get a full time job.  I told him we don't need to think of that for a few days.

I'm getting more worried......

I looked up some symptoms (other than the obvious late period) on the internet.  I have a few but that doesn't really mean anything.  I keep having abdominal cramping but that could be because I could actually start my period or...... I won't get there....... I've also been experiencing frequent urination.  That's uncommon for me.  Another symptom is nausea.  Morning sickness is still common amongst women but nausea during anytime of the day/night is becoming a common thing as well..... Well, I've been experiencing nausea and light headedness.

Again, all these things could be just in my head.  Anything is possible.

I haven't been under super stress....... just usual stress.  Well, I'm late.  I was supposed to start this passed Monday.  My schedule is always on time or a day/2 days late........ I haven't been more than 2 days late in a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time.

I'm getting worried now.  Pregnant?  If pregnant, this sorta puts off my flight attendant plans indefinitely.  Which I don't want to do, but if pregnant, that child will be number one priority.

I know I know I know I know.  I shouldn't jump to conclusions.  Nothing is final, but this is out of the ordinary for me.  My rule of thumb has always been, be worried on late day 10.  In the past, my cycle has been known to be 9 days late.  If I ever become 11 days late, I'm definitely getting checked out.

Well, this is day 5.

And I know I'm only making things worse internally by worrying about it.  So, I keep telling myself what the plan is if I am....... pregnant.

Must go to sleep now.  That will keep my mind off of it for at least 8 hours.

I've had it.  Yesterday, I informed you (you out there) that roomie had invited her boyfriend down here when I would be here.  I was okay with it cause she said he would be leaving Monday morning.  It's Monday evening................ he's still here.

I know she has her own room right now.  They're even in there as I type this but the principle is she said he would be gone............ and he's still here.

His mere presence is pissing me off.  I'm almost to the point to tell her that he cannot be here anymore..... meaning, no more overnight visits.  If they want to see each other so bad, he can stay in a hotel room.  No more.

She has taken advantage of my kindness and he has overstayed his welcome.

The first 2 weeks have been a little stressful.  I cannot get myself motivated for anything to write my paper in gender studies.  My humanites paper on the Paleolithic art period is a joke.  I can't finish it either.  I'm cursed......

I have to buy my roommate a new cast iron skillet.  I let water sit in hers, therefore, it rusted. 

My credit card bill was due on the sixth, and I haven't paid it yet.

I'm PMSing like a mad woman.

I can't get any of my residents to loosen up around me.  I have this feeling that they think I'm a bitchy authorative power.  But I'm really not.  They haven't taken the chance to get know me and me to know them.

I'm going home on the 25th for a baby shower.  I told roomie that she should invite her boyfriend down that weekend since I won't be here.  FYI, no overnight guests of the opposite sex.  So, they made plans for him to come down here.  Well, 2 days ago, she informed he would be coming THIS weekend TOO.  And......... did I mind if he stayed here or should he get a hotel room.  I was put on the spot.  Not only did she spring it on my at the last minute, she was on the phone with him when she asked me.  Some times, she doesn't think clearly.

The bright side to the passed 2 weeks?  I'm in ceramics!

The movie that the roomie and boyfriend were watching is over.  It's silent in there except for the little sucking sounds from kisses.  Goddamn they're loud kissers.  Why can't they go into her bedroom?  Why do they make me suffer listening to their obnoxious suckling sessions.  It's unbearable.

I sent out an email to all of my residents (about 40 out of 55) asking them to reply back to me.  No reply.  Which....... saddens me even more that I can't get through to them by using an impersonal way of communication such as email.  I don't expect all of them to like me but I would expect at least 2 our 55 to talk with me as if I were a normal person.

Idiot and I got into a big one today.  He just doesn't go away when I demand him to go and leave me alone.

And again, I'm letting something else drive me to smoke........... again.  Speaking of smokes, Idiot found mine.  He was not happy.  In fact, he told me he almost threw them in the toilet but decided that the consequences of that action would be painful.

Back to the big one.  It was so bad I started hitting him in his chest.  I've never gotten physical with anyone while arguing.  A demon possessed me, I swear.  It was unleashed.

But the thing I don't get.... I tell him to go away because I'm mad at him.  Whether I have a legitimate reason to be mad at him or not, it truly is best for the both of us if he goes away.  What does he do?  "I'm sorry that I'm upsetting you.  I only want to help you," he says as I'm slamming the door in his face but he blocks the door from being shut.  Then I start yelling at him.  "Why do you say you want to help when I tell you to go away?  You say you're sorry for upsetting me but you won't go away!  Which makes me fucking upset!" I'm yelling this as he's being hit.

Maybe I'm just a hypochondriac (sp?) but I think I'm developing an ulcer.

Alright.  I've had it.  I can't drink on campus.  But, I'll be fucked if I'm not gonna smoke.  All these annoyances, stresses, distractions, and SHIT has driven me to pick up a cigarette again.  I haven't smoked one about 6 months now, but whenever I do I can't stop!  I still get nicotine buzzes from the cigarettes...... It's amazing.  I love it!

But the Idiot thinks it's disgusting.  Well, I don't care.  I'm tired of all this bullshit going on around here.

I need a goddamn cigarette! 

Just listen to me.  I cannot believe I'm letting the politics of this hell-hole get to me that it's driving me to smoke!

I know.

I'm weak.

Well, we busted up a party thanks to me.  I feel as if I betrayed my kind.  My kind would be "partyiers".

I smelled alcohol as I passed by an apartment door.  BTW, my college is a dry campus - meaning no alcohol whatsoever.  The girl I was with has never been exposed to alcohol or drugs.  So, I got our third person to verify the smell.  Just as we walked back into the building, everyone was leaving. 

Ta-da!  Party!

We call security.  Security is the first to get in.  She (security guard) goes through the ENTIRE apartment looking for drugs and booze.  Sure enough, both were there.  We were at the apartment till 1 in the morning questioning people and helping security look through things looking for more alcohol so we could document all of it.

To the party gods, I'm sorry I busted one of your parties.

I like drinking.  In the past, I have really enjoyed smoking pot..... which I don't do anymore.  But I still drink occassionaly.  I almost failed out of college my freshman year because of drinking.  Now I'm more grown up and responsible.  I understand that college people are going to experiment with everything and anything.  But there is a time and place for it all.  And this exact location........... is not it.  Everyone should know that if they're going to experiment with anything, they should take it off campus.  It's common sense.

That is all.

I'm done lecturing all you college kids out there who live on campus.

Its not as bad as you think..trust me...im not as like them as you would think.

Good God!  I can't stand it when I hear that from anyone.  Particularly from someone who presumes to know me so well.  So mistaken.

Just a little rant.

I'm worn out.  I'm turning in early.  G'night ya'll!

I'm going to try to keep this entry brief.  I was recently hired on as a resident assistant (RA) for my college.  So, now I have to cram 3 weeks of training into 1 week before classes start. 

All the the other RA trainees have worked with one another for at least 3 weeks..... they already have their bonds.

I feel as if it's high school all over again..... which I hated.  There's the "popular" people and the "loners".  I'm a natural loner and fake "popular".  All the other girls are beautiful, giggly, bubbly, PERKY, seem to know everything..... and I obviously don't have any of those qualities.  I'm better than this but the passed 2 days, I've been comparing myself to these fake girls.  I'm not like them but I keep comparing myself to them..... why am I doing that to myself?! 

My area coordinator (AC) told me to try to stay away from the people I knew previously and try to get to know everyone else.  How can I just throw myself out of my comfort zone?  I have to ease my way into new zones, right?  I'm not a drastic change person unless I deem it necessary.  And I do not deem it necessary dammit!

Everyone keeps using achronyms and not explaining things to me.  I'm begining to think that everyone is wondering why I was hired.  I really don't fit in.  I'm from a complete different world than these people.

Must go.  I have RA duties due.  Please!  Somebody spoon my eye out!

All week Idiot has been telling me he had a surprize for me.  In the back of my mind I thought he had gotten a bed & breakfast room because we have planning to get one for over a year now.  Well, Saturday night came around and there we were..... in the parking lot of a B & B.

It was really nice.  It was a restaurant on the first floor and a dining area on the second floor for B & B customers.  2 bedrooms and a bathroom with a really big bath tub also "adorned" the second floor.

Yeah...... it was really nice.

I'm such a dull person..... yes......... dull indeed.

I've sat in bed all day and watch dvd's.......... dull indeed.

I felt socialable.  So, I got online and everyone I wanted to talk to talk to were on..... but then I didn't want to talk anymore.  I didn't talk to anyone...... dull indeed.

So, then I updated my links...... dull indeed.

Yes yes yes, dull indeed.......

It's officially a week today since he asked me to be his girlfriend. It's going so well, it's amazing. He's amazing. I know I say that to everyone that asks me about him, but it's true. And I know all I talk about is him, but if you guys understood how amazing it is to be with him, around him, near him... You'd know. Before we got off the phone last night, he said, "Baby, I love you... I'm sorry this sucks, I know... Sucks to me too because I can't even see my own girlfriend thanks to my job. I'll make all this up to you someday." After I said I loved him too, he did the "I love you more" thing. Corny, but oh so cute, right? I told him that wasn't fair and he laughed that amazingly adorable laugh of his. I know some of you are probably thinking "LOVE" already? Yes. We are made for each other. I have never in my life felt this passionately about someone. Not even Scott - for those of you who may know about him. This is just all over good. He's perfect for me. That's all there is to it!

I read this entry in a friend's journal.  She and I have known one another for a little over 2 years..... blah blah blah..... yada yada yada........ She does this "I'm in love" after ALL (no exageration) her realtionships start after one week.  She doesn't even befriend these guys first.  I don't understand how anyone can NOT be friends first..... That's how one finds out if one is in love.  You don't just jump into it..... That's how disaster happens!!!!

Does no one get it?  Does anyone out there get it?  Am I just being a bitch.  Wait.... You don't have to answer that.  I am..... but I'm also a realist dammit!

Rummaging through Blog Shares I found a website called Subversity.  The title intrigued me so.... I went there.  And this is what I found. 

---

SAINT PETERSBURG, Russia (AFP) - In a more innocent age, it was said that Gregory Efimovich Rasputin's legendary power over women was due to his piercing eyes.

But a new museum of erotica here suggests that the mad monk's charm may instead have been, ahem, concealed beneath his cassock.

Measuring 28.5 centimeters (about 11 inches) -- allowing for shrinkage caused by pickling -- Rasputin's penis displayed in a tall glass bottle is, to put it delicately, a big attraction at the museum.

Reputed both for his mysticism and his debauchery, Rasputin was a powerful influence at the court of the Romanov Tsars.

Concerned about his unusual hold over the Empress Alexandra, a group of aristocrats decided to kill him to save Russia.

They lured him to an assassination in 1916, fed him drugged cakes, shot him and finally killed him by wrapping him in a carpet and throwing him into the frozen Neva river.

(Apparently, they also cut off his cock.)

---

I enjoyed myself thoroughly.  Not all of his entries are perverse.  He writes about politics, world issues, health.... he seems to be a well rounded writer.

Only 5 people answered questions..... only 5 people read.  Okay.....  Well, there certainly are a variety of 5 people who read me or passed by my journal.

---

For those of you who like to watch dancing movies.  Rent "The Company".  It's link is over at the side.  It's an awesome movie with a lot of ballet performances.  It's not too heavy on a plot.... doesn't get to the nitty-gritty of the dancers lives.  It stars Neve Cambell.  Great movie if you're a ballet lover.  Which I am of course because I studied ballet for 10 years of my life.

It smells of cat urine right now.  I'm going to have smell it out so that I may clean it up.  I guess I overestimated those kittens.  I thought they could be free in the house and remember where the litter box was.  Guess now I know..... Must keep closer eye on them.

The Idiot and I are going to the county fair tonight.  I'm excited.  I'm going to get him to get on the ferris wheel.  He hates carni-rides.  They make him sick..... Hopefully, the ferris wheel won't.  We'll see.

I could talk and talk and talk about myself.  But for a change, I want to know what kind of passers-by and/or daily readers actually read my journal.  I'm going to post some questions.  You may choose to answer any or all of them.

---

1. Do you have any animals?  If so, what kinds?
2. What is the kindest thing you have ever done for someone?
3. What is the worst thing you have ever done to someone?
4. What did you want to be when you were a little child?
5. Do you have a significant other?  If so, how did you two meet?
6. What material object can you not live without?  Multiple answers may apply.  Ooooooo, don't I sound professional and sophistocated?
7. Is it eaiser for you to tell people about your flaws or your good qualities?  How?
8. If your life were a movie or book, who would you choose to star as you?
9. What is your profession?
10. Which of the following do you prefer: boxers, briefs, long underwear, thongs, bikinis, or commando?  Multiple answers may apply.

---

I'm not going to post until Saturday.... that way 4-5 days worth of people may answer if would like to.    It will also give people to ask me 3 questions if they choose.  You don't have to.  I'm not going to pop through the screen and twist your arm..... Only if you want. 

And then I may or may not post some answers of my own.

Hope everyone is having a good evening, morning, day...... wherever you may be.